Ten Characteristics of a Mentor
Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash
In the present era of internet anonymity and social media stardom, we can experience life without truly being known. Filtered photos and carefully crafted posts foster the appearance of a neatly branded life, but behind that cultivated ficad cowers a human soul hiding from vulnerability.
This is why good coaching and mentoring are so important. Without authentic mentors who are given unfiltered access to our stories, we miss out on a massive opportunity for growth.
Exodus 18 illustrates the value of engaging with strong mentors. Moses has an intense conversation with his father-in-law and mentor, Jethro, who offers profound wisdom that probably saved Moses from an early demise and assisted those whom Moses was trying to lead.
From this passage, we can identify ten characteristics that enable Jethro to provide a high level of coaching to Moses. And because alliteration is the spice of life, I've chosen only words that begin with a "k" sound. You can thank me later.
Ten Characteristics of a Coach or Mentor:
1) Knows your KIN
As stated, Jethro was Moses' father-in-law and had recently spend an extended amount of time with Moses' wife and children (v. 2). This gives him an inside look into Moses' marriage and family life. Many leaders falter because their personal lives implode, and so giving your mentor an accurate picture of the state of your family can provide valuable insight into how your managing your multiple roles while sustaining your intimate relationships. Don't leave your family out of the mentoring equation. Ask them to provide you feedback that you can pass along with your coach, or invite your coach to speak directly to family and close friends.
2) Knows your CRAFT
Jethro was a priest in Midian (v. 1), which gave him a unique perspective on what it means to shepherd people spiritually. Certainly, Moses had the unique and ominous burden of leading the nomadic nation of Israel, but he nonetheless could find a rare form of camaraderie with an older man who had experienced at least a portion of the mantle now resting on Moses' shoulders. Some choose to surround themselves with multiple mentors who together can offer the expertise related to a variety of leadership responsibilities. You may acquire a leadership coach, a marriage or parenting mentor, an addiction sponsor, a spiritual director, or a combination thereof. It's simply critical that your mentor(s) understand enough about your situation to be able to speak with empathy and experience.
3) Knows your CONTEXT
Jethro didn't merely exchange text messages with Moses from a distance. Instead, put on a hardhat and came to the "factory" to survey the terrain (v. 5). There, he could look Moses in the eyeballs and evaluate his tone, demeanor, and body language. He could see the massive crowd gathering manna every morning and sleeping in tents every night beside the pillars of fire and cloud. He would be more effective coaching when standing at Moses' side than he could from afar. It may be expensive, but it's priceless to have your coach or mentor come at least once to see your team in action. That face time will provide familiarity and credibility as you gain confidence in your mentor's awareness and understanding.
4) Knows your COURSE
Moses is eager to brief Jethro on "all" that had transpired, and for good reason. Imagine trying to co-author the second half of a novel without reading the first half. Likewise, mentors are less ineffective when they don't know our record of progress. Our desire for validation and praise may limit our openness about our past challenges and failures, but this only prevents a mentor from speaking into those realities. Avoiding failure isn't a virtue; the goal is to use failure as fuel for growth. And we often grow the most in our weak areas, as we reach out for guidance. So tell your mentor as much as you can to give them an accurate picture of the course behind you.
5) Supports your QUEST
When Jethro hears about Moses' progress, he begins to celebrate (v. 9). His joyous reaction flows from his personal resonance with Moses' mission. Jethro is a good mentor because he buys what Moses is selling. He shops at the same Walmart. He believes that Moses is heading towards the right destination, and he wants to see Moses succeed. You may have access to a gifted business leader or dynamic preacher, but their skill alone won't make them an effective coach. They must affirm and support your personal and organizational mission, or they may actually turn you away from it. Like Moses, we need to go to God first to clarify our calling before we can surround ourselves with leaders who can help us get there.
6) Shares your faith CONVICTIONS
As Jethro celebrates Moses' successful course, he spontaneously begins to worship Moses' God (v. 10-12). He offers a burnt offering and breaks bread with Moses, Aaron, and the elders of Israel. This fellowship represents a corporate act of worship and a strengthening of the spiritual bonds among these leaders, which would of course be impossible if Jethro could not worship the same God.
7) Watches your CONDUCT
Jethro then takes a day to simply observe Moses on a typical day of judging the Israelite peoples' disputes (v. 13). He was able to observe Moses' leadership style, including the amount of time Moses dedicates to this specific task (which happened to be the ENTIRE day!). This first-hand observation would prove essential for Jethro's coaching.
8) Asks probing QUESTIONS
Mentors don't know everything, and so good ones ask questions about what they perceive, which teases out our rationale and values. Jethro asks, "What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, while all the people stand around you from morning until evening?" (v. 14).
Jethro is intrigued by Moses' pattern of leadership, and he wants to know more about it. It neither seemed right nor effective, but he chose to ask for information before rendering any kind of judgment. A helpful mentor is a humble mentor, who knows that questions alone will allow him or her to come up with good answers and advice.
9) Offers a CRITIQUE
Only after the above eight characteristics have surfaced does Jethro offer a critique. He says, "What you are doing is not good. You will surely wear yourself out, both you and these people with you. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone" (v. 17-18).
Probably from personal experience, Jethro knows that the self-important, lone-ranger style of "everyone-needs-me" leadership will ultimately burn the shepherd out and stagnate the sheep. So he gives Moses a hard truth that leaders don't always want to hear--what you are doing is wrong, and you need to change!
10) Render a CHALLENGE
OK, you got me. No "k" sound, but it does start with a C. Hopefully, you're not too Type A to continue!
It's helpful if a coach can offer a critique in a way that opens the door for constructive solutions. This could be a brainstorming session or a dialogue about possibilities. In this case, Jethro challenges Moses to share leadership, to delegate or raise up gifted individuals who can be developed to lead small or large groups of people. This would free Moses to lead in new ways and only be consulted in the most complex of cases.
The impact of Jethro's mentoring is immeasurable: a whole new team of gifted leaders are identified and empowered; Moses is able to specialize and expand his leadership to new levels, and the people of Israel have better access to leadership.
This means that mentors and coaches are not just for our personal benefit. As a leader, your decisions impact the lives of people who will be blessed when you raise your "leadership lid" through mentoring. Their lives and their families will be enhanced in ways that you cannot imagine.